... to stay optomistic when you've been actively searching for work for 1.5 months. The interview I had mentioned previously was with a woman who seemed to hate me immediately. Why do some people immediately not like me before even speaking with me? I can see it in their faces. "What a nice office this is!", I said, honestly. She just looked at me then let out this scuff/sigh that sounded like, "You wouldn't know" and then didn't say anything else. I know she heard me, but she didn't listen to me for the entire interview. When she would ask me a question, I would go to answer, but she seemed to know my life better than I did and would try and finish my sentences for me, but she would assume the wrong things and it got really awkward at time because she would try and finish my sentence with something that was completely against the truth or just how it really was. She had created a negative image of me before she even started talking to me. Maybe it was because I wasn't wearing 8 pounds of jewelry like she was or had bleached blonde hair. Good riddance to her.
But, that still doesn't help my worsening self-esteem, as of late. Random people don't even like me. The majority of my family would have me be someone entirely different than who I am. I have no friends. Randall even will think differently of me out of no where or put words in my mouth or assume that I feel a certain way, when it is completely not that way. Why does this happen so often? Why does it feel like no one actually KNOWS me? Or that no one LISTENS to me. It's not a new thing at all. It started along with all my other major problems around when I was 13 or so. I'm assuming it has to be some fault of mine. Though, for the life of me, I cannot figure out what it could be.
Maybe because I ride the fence so much in life and therefore sometimes seemingly hypocritical or actually hypocritical. I will appear to have a carefree attitude about things, but that doesn't mean that I'm not thinking or will make poor decisions. I dressed modestly and professionally to this interview. My outfit was clean and coordinated. She had seen me walking up to the building and out of politeness I waved to her before I went inside, not even knowing who she was. She ended up being the woman I was to meet with and as soon as she walked in the door behind me I could tell that this interview wouldn't go well at all.
I just don't see why I have such a hard time with certain people... I immediate push their "I Hate You" buttons. It's been like that since like, what, 4th grade? When a girl in my class punched me twice in the nose and made me bleed because she didn't like that I was always happy. She was about to punch me again when I pushed her. She landed on her back, scraping it up on the ashphalt and I was the one who got suspended. She initiated the fight out of no where, made me bleed, I defended myself, and I got suspended and she didn't. And such was and is my life. I can only hope that there will be an interviewer, friend, family member, or random stranger that sees me for who I really am and not what they think they know me as. I try and never, ever do that to anyone, thus I should suffer a similar act.
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